Marriage & Couple Therapy
Relationship Counseling serving NYC & NY State Residents
Expert Couple Therapy To Heal betrayal wounds, Improve Intimacy & Break repetitive Relational Patterns
Relational Wellness
As a New York City Couple & Relationship Specialist, I offer practical and skilled help for when your relationship is at a crossroads, and expert guidance can help you get to the next step. I work intensely with couples and adult family members who have experienced betrayal or any life-challenge, or crisis that has threatened your connection and created confusion and doubt.
Couples tend to seek help during times of extreme stress, the kind of stress that has overwhelmed their ability to cope. Coaching couples through a crisis can give us an opportunity to work on ways to create stability, build relational skills and understand each other better through hard times. Crisis can offer tremendous opportunities for couples to grow stronger and deepen their connection.
What is couples counseling?
Couple sessions offers the opportunity to work through and discuss conflicts that are often avoided, minimized, withheld, suppressed and repressed, which has led to a buildup of anger and resentment. Partners are helped to identify patterns and dynamics of the past that are being reenacted in the present as well as learn to respond to the emotions and needs that are beneath the surface of relational struggles.
Effective couple therapy and coaching can also support motivated partners as they heal from trauma and navigate difficult transitions and challenges. In some cases, couples have suffered a trauma in their relationship, such as a betrayal or infidelity, a difficult loss or change in circumstances, or another type of crisis that creates relational stress. Betrayal recovery therapy is an integral part of healing these wounds.
Couples often struggle to have difficult conversations on their own. A skilled couple therapist acts as a facilitator who often remains neutral in this process, providing support and structure to make these discussions easier to navigate during therapy sessions.
When is it a good time to seek couple therapy?
I see couples who feel wounded, betrayed, resentful, confused, misunderstood, hopeless, lonely in the presence of the other, without physical contact, unsure of where to begin. They have endured and suffered for years repeating the same patterns and dynamics. Many couples have been trying to manage longstanding problems alone and are now in a state of hopelessness and despair. It makes sense to seek the help of an experienced relationship expert when in crisis, it can also be helpful to find a therapist sooner, before problems feel unfixable. If you have been noticing potential issues in your relationship and are unsure how to address them, couples counseling can help guide the way.
Would You Like To Thrive In Your Relationships?
Effective relationship therapy and coaching helps you do more than just repeat and endure, you can heal and thrive. What follows are some excellent couple counseling goals.
Learn to listen for and understand the needs of the other
Identify your own personal needs and express them clearly and effectively
Learn to communicate in ways that allows the other to hear what is being said
Identify and reduce defensiveness as a relational style in personal and professional relationships
Notice the often missed and less concrete ways a partner may be attempting to show love and affection
Develop healthier problem-solving skills and learn to resolve conflict effectively
Become aware of triggers and their source
Learn emotion regulation skills to manage intense feelings
Create shared values, goals and dreams for the future
Express, disclose and resolve painful emotions, thoughts and feelings in a safe place
Repair destructive patterns and dynamics which have led to relational wounds in your current partnership
Work through unhealed wounds from the past or family of origin complexities that surface now and are played out in current relationships
Become more resilient to symptoms related to adjustments, life-transitions, change and challenges
Gain support for parenting and co-parenting struggles
Help for repairing trust and healing from infidelity and betrayal
What parts of your Relationship needs repair?
Sexual and intimacy issues
Feeling disconnected from each other
Desire for safety and security in the relationship
Difficulty resolving problems as they arise
Patterns and dynamics that are repeated
Fighting and poor communication
Individual health and/or emotional problems that impact the relationship
Struggles with addictions or substance abuse
Money and financial distress
Aging concerns
Health and chronic pain
Conflicts about values
Family issues
Different parenting styles
Toxic anger and rage
Personal histories of abuse and trauma
The desire for a healthier work, life and family balance
Identity and role problems
Loss and bereavement
Healing from emotional affairs and infidelity
Divorce, remarriage and blended family
Money and financial concerns
Roles and work/life balance
All of your relationships deserve to be satisfying…
And can benefit from effective marriage and relationship therapy and coaching
Relationship coaching can be a life changing experience for many. Everybody has some kind of relationship: business partners, co-workers, friends, family, lovers, or simply with themselves. Relationship coaching gives clients the tools needed to resolve disagreements, personality clashes and other difficulties that arise in the context of important relationships. Ask yourself these important questions:
Is there a relationship in your life, colleagues, siblings, lover, past or present, that is causing you stress and tension?
Do you struggle with honesty in certain relationships?
Do you find it hard to have difficult conversations, communicate your needs or maintain boundaries?
Do you get flustered, come “undone” or lose your effectiveness in the face of conflict, negative feedback or confrontation?
Do you feel easily controlled in certain important relationships?
Are power struggles or disagreements draining you or your company’s energy?
Explore The Patterns & Dynamics That Cause Confusion & Despair
Most couples cannot have the relationship they desire because they are too busy acting out old, familiar dynamics. These repetitions and distortions create the distance you now feel in your relationship. Let’s fix this so you can love again!
When feeling triggered by their partner, what follows is a near-constant dance of each member of the couple acting out familiar dynamics from their own past. This dance is largely unconscious, but yields toxic, destructive effects on the relationship. An experienced relationship therapist can help couples see the situation more clearly and identify, understand and work through these challenging dynamics that are recreated in the here and now.
All partners enter the relationship with their own working model or relationship template that impacts the other. Both partners may engage in behaviors and patterns that provoke each other in ways that encourages the other to play out the other half of these old and familiar dynamics.
It’s confusing because each partner’s narrative feels very real to them, but as they continue to play this out, the relationships becomes distorted and not reality-based, hence the confusion.
This only serves to reinforce each partner’s working relational model, confirming what they already believed to be true about relationships. The good news is, we are not doomed to repeat the patterns of our past. We can change our model, but we have to pause, and identify it first, so we can challenge the narrative.
More helpful information about repeating problem dynamics in relationships…
Many couples suffer greatly because of the need to repeat familiar or traumatic experiences. Anyone who has had their own therapy may have some insight into how this defensive pattern plays out in their everyday lives. These dynamics are often what brings couples into counseling and can be identified during couple therapy sessions. In fact, they are usually quite obvious to a trained professional. Together we can work to understand what belongs in the past and what is getting recreated in the present.
Why does this happen? Because we are wired to repeat familiar patterns and habits. On an unconscious level, we repeat what is familiar to us, even traumatizing events, in an attempt to “master” or gain control over the experience. These family dynamics and generational patterns are repeated and recreated, again and again.
Examples of making the same relationship mistakes:
You continually repeat the same dysfunctional dynamics and patterns with your current partner
You find partners with similar qualities as the parent(s) that caused you distress, such as a distant, neglectful, alcoholic or abusive parent
You repeat what’s familiar to you and what you observed or experienced as a child which generalizes to many aspects of your life
You repeat traumatic events in an unconscious attempt to master in the present the lack of control that you experienced during early traumatic experiences.
You may feel you don’t deserve healthy partnerships, especially if you’re a trauma survivor, so you push the other away or sabotage the relationship
You likely internalized your family of origin or generational traumas and experiences of shame which now impacts your self-esteem
Healing Betrayal In Intimate Relationships
What can we learn from the meaning of an affair, and can we heal after an emotional or physical betrayal? Yes, it is possible to heal and even thrive after relationship betrayal…
Many couples will enter therapy having learned of a physical or emotional betrayal by their partner. The experience of infidelity is one of the most crushing events, and deepest attachment wounds that couples face. Many react by leaving the relationship instead of taking the opportunity to understand the meaning behind the affair. Many fail to take responsibility about the betrayal and will continue to lie or gaslight their partner.
Seeking someone outside the relationship communicates something very important about what one needs, or is trying to feel, capture or experience. For couples who have the courage to seek therapy and learn more about the deeper meaning of the emotional or physical affair, it is possible to emerge stronger and experience a deeper understanding of your partner, their needs, and even your own needs.
Your relationship may be in trouble if you are experiencing the following:
You have trouble talking and communicating in a healthy manner
Your partner feels like the enemy to you
You or your partner feel hurt much of the time
Your or your partner do not feel heard or seen in the relationship
You now lead separate lives
You have the same fights over and over without resolution
You now experience resentment towards your partner
Your sex life and intimacy has changed
Your old trauma wounds have resurfaced and are now impacting your relationship
You are struggling to manage a time of crisis, such as an injury, medical diagnosis, loss, transition, as examples
You or your partner are having an affair
If you’ve already decided on a separation…
Effective couples counseling can also help couples who are interested in dissolving their partnership and wish to do so in a manner that is constructive and supportive, especially when divorcing or separating includes helping children thrive during and after this change. As much as I love to see couples stay together, I am skilled at helping them move through this difficult time, especially if children are involved.
Remember these important things that lead to relationship destruction…
(From the Gottman Institute)
Emotional distance can be as destructive to a relationship as conflict
The way a couple fights, repairs and resolves problems is more important than what they fight about
Attachment insecurity leads to conflict and or distance
In distressed relationships, some partners shut down and withdraw as a way to manage intense emotions
Couples must nurture fondness and respect for the other in order to thrive together
Couples need shared meaning in their lives to remain connected
Securing Love & Healing Intimacy Problems
Intimacy counseling is offered to couples struggling with sexual concerns, lack of desire and an inability to communicate their needs and desires. My goal is to help clients who are craving more exploration, surprise, mystery, novelty, excitement, desire and passion in their erotic lives. Vibrant sexuality generalizes into many aspects of our lives, sparking renewed creativity and aliveness.
Intimacy counseling is offered to couples struggling with sexual concerns, lack of desire and an inability to communicate their needs and desires. My goal is to help clients who are craving more exploration, surprise, mystery, novelty, excitement, desire and passion in their erotic lives. Vibrant sexuality generalizes into many aspects of our lives, creating renewed creativity and aliveness.
It’s nearly impossible to feel love and connection when resentment has taken hold. Couples Sessions are designed to help clients work through relationship and communication problems and create or reconnect to love, respect and emotional closeness. I work with high-functioning couples helping them listen for and understand the emotional needs of the other. Effective couples coaching should provide support and guidance so that communication can feel safe and constructive. Additionally, couples can learn tools to identify problem, repetitive patterns, navigate difficult circumstances, work through conflicts and increase the attachment bond, which results in deepened intimacy and trust.
We help couples and individuals connect or reconnect to their sexual selves. Sex is a healthy and natural form of human expression that deserves to be enjoyed and expressed. Sometimes, situations such as a painful childhood, or negative adult experiences have made it unsafe in the present to explore areas of sexuality and sensual expression. This creates shame and confusion, as well as fear and avoidance.
I provide a safe sex positive therapy space to help couples experience and restore intimacy and pleasure. Together, we will work to help you discover the psychological, emotional and physical factors contributing to your sexual problems or lack of fulfillment and how you can overcome them.
When to consider sexual counseling:
You desire passion, exploration, novelty, mystery, surprise, desire
Sexual inexperience
Problems related to a life-stage or aging
Hormonal concerns (men and women), childbirth, menopause
Problems related to medication or a medical diagnosis
Sexual identity and gender concerns
Religion or culture that was not sex positive
Erectile dysfunction
Painful sex that may include pelvic pain, vaginismus or vulvodynia
Premature or delayed ejaculation
Varying Libido (high or low) between partners
Sex and porn addiction
Infidelity
Sexual trauma
HOLISTIC PSYCHOTHERAPY & WELLNESS NYC
Philosophy
For nearly twenty years, this holistically-oriented NYC Psychotherapy & Wellness Practice has blended what I’ve found to be the most effective practices in psychology, neurobiology, attachment, alternative practices, nutrition, coaching and mind-body medicine working with individuals and couples. As a holistic psychotherapist, I believe it’s important to address the root cause of emotional and psychological suffering. It’s important to know that we all make the most therapeutic progress in a compassionate and non-judgmental environment. I make every effort to ensure patient comfort and ease. Countless studies have shown that finding the right "fit" with a therapist is more important than the technique that is used. As a trauma-trained therapist I am influenced by humanist and existential philosophy, relational theory, attachment theory, psychoanalytic concepts, mindfulness, and somatic, mind and body psychology. My couple and marriage counseling work is influenced by Gottman Method, Internal Family Systems and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). As neuroscience now shows us, the body and mind are inextricably linked—my 20+ years of experience with mindfulness, yoga therapy, and meditation greatly influence my work as a mental health provider. A Holistic and comprehensive therapy model ensures that you thrive in the many aspects of your life—including your relationship with your self and others. You will enjoy a more satisfying, rewarding, and joyful life, no matter your struggles, challenges, or diagnoses. I enjoy continuing education, and I’ve received extensive training and certification in a range of evidence-based and cutting-edge approaches to offer you this holistic model of care. Together, we work with practices designed to create an environment that supports optimal physical and mental health wellbeing. Lasting change and transformation is possible when given the right tools to thrive.
Training
Somatic Experiencing® International (in progress)
Eating Disorders, Compulsions & Addictions (EDCAS) Certification
William Alanson White Institute of Psychiatry, Psychoanalysis & Psychology
EMDR Advanced Level EMDR Practitioner - Laurel Parnell PhD
Brainspotting - Lisa Schwarz, MEd
Positive Neuroplasticity Training Certification - Rick Hanson PhD
Nutrition and Integrative Medicine for Mental Health - Leslie Korn PhD
IFS Immersion: Integrating Internal Family Systems Across Clinical Applications - Frank Anderson, PhD
Dialectical Behavior Therapy - Behavior Tech Institute
Advanced CBT Certification - New York University
Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Certification - New York University
Advanced Clinical Practice Certification - New York University
Clinical Approaches to the Addictions - Certification New York University
Clinical Practice with Adolescents - Certification New York University
Mindful Self-Compassion Training - Christopher K. Germer, PhD & Kristen Neff PhD
Executive Life Coaching - New York University
Institute for Life Coach Training
Urban Zen Integrative Therapy Training Program
Institute For Integrative Nutrition
Additional Professional Training: Gottman Institute for Couples, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Hypnosis for Trauma & PTSD, Focusing Institute, Whole Body Focusing with Glenn Fleisch, Ph.D
Ongoing workshops: Ester Perel, Bessel van der Kolk, MD, Dan Siegel, MD, Peter Levine, Ph.D, Gabor Mate, MD, Richard Schwartz, PhD, Sue Johnson, IFS, Somatic Experiencing, Trauma-Focused Treatment, Yoga Therapy, Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy
Expertise
Depression (major, postpartum depression, SAD, bipolar disorder, atypical depression, dysthymia, situational depression, chronic sadness)
Anxiety (panic disorder, generalized anxiety, phobias, social anxiety, PTSD, fear, worry, insomnia, emotional regulation), stress management, insomnia
Women’s hormonal health, perimenopause and menopause mental health assessment/coaching, chronic pain
Trauma resolution and PTSD therapy
Crisis counseling, life-challenges, transitions and overwhelm
Obstacles, blocking beliefs and feeling “stuck” in your life
Dysfunctional relationship dynamics and patterns in professional and personal relationships, communication difficulties, divorce, separation
Fear of success and fear of failure, harshly critical of oneself and others
Spiritual or existential concerns, shadow work, life purpose, energetic blocks, boundary work
Difficulties with work and life balance
Addictions, behavioral addictions, substance abuse, alcoholism and compulsions
Performance blocks, perfectionism, self-blame, negative self-image and self-sabotage
Feeling unworthy, undeserving, “not enough”, personal empowerment, identification of needs and trouble saying “no”
Compliance, accommodation, conflict avoidance, communication difficulties and impasses
Narcissistic abuse identification and recovery
Empath and highly sensitive person (HSP) coaching
Codependency, family conflict resolution, submissiveness and recovery from family enmeshment, ACOA adult children of alcoholics
Grief, loss and bereavement
Recovery and post-rehab support (for individuals in all stages of recovery from addictions, alcohol, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, trauma, pre-rehab, post-rehab, residential step-down support, wellness planning, new habit maintenance and self-care)
EMDR Therapy, Trauma Resolution, Unblocking & Manifesting
Celebrity mental health expertise and high-profile, VIP clients, therapy for entrepreneurs, executives, creatives, medical professionals
Modalities
Psychoanalytic, Relational & Interpersonal Psychotherapy
Attachment-Focused Couple Therapy (traditional, non-traditional, alternative lifestyle couples)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), DBT Skills
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy Consultation
Advanced level EMDR Therapy, Parts Therapy, Integrated Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Couple Therapy (Traditional, Non Traditional Couples)
Sexual Counseling (Traditional & Alternative Lifestyle)
Somatic Psychotherapy
Positive Psychology, Positive Neuroplasticity Coaching
Nutrition & Integrative Medicine For Mental Health
Transformational & Wellness Coaching
Urban Zen Integrative Therapy, Reiki, Energy Medicine
Nutrition & Integrative Medicine For Mental Health, Nutritional Amino Acid Protocols (using precursor amino acids, fatty acids, herbal medicine, supplement recommendations for mood, anxiety, ADHD, addictions, cravings, brain fog, PTSD, and more)
Clinical Hypnosis
Transform
If traditional “talk” therapy has not been enough to resolve your distressing symptoms, it might be time to try a different model of care. I’ve trained in many modalities, but I find myself returning to EMDR again and again. EMDR Therapy changed my practice years ago because it works and it changes lives. It is the one treatment method that is consistently powerful and transformative for my patients, especially when other highly-effective therapies such as IFS, CBT and Somatic Experiencing are integrated into sessions. Therapy is highly-individualized, and depending on your unique needs, chosen therapy modalities may include: EMDR, Psychodynamic Psychotherapy, CBT, Internal Family Systems, Mindfulness and Somatic Experiencing®. I completed EMDRIA-approved EMDR advanced Levels I & II training and supervision many years ago and have used it in my New York City psychotherapy private practice consistently and with excellent results.
EMDR therapy is highly-effective at getting to the root cause of underlying beliefs and blocks that cause many to not benefit from traditional therapy or life coaching. EMDR treatment can elegantly help you transform surviving into thriving so you can lead a life without disruptive symptoms. Reprocessing difficult, disturbing or traumatic memories with EMDR leads to enhanced resiliency and vitality in the nervous system. EMDR treatment is an extensively researched and evidence-based method to help people recover from distressing life experiences, trauma, anxiety, panic, phobias, accidents, medical trauma and much more. EMDR is not just for trauma, it is also an excellent technique to enhance performance for athletes and creatives, or work and professional endeavors. It is especially helpful for clients who have worked hard in therapy or coaching, and find themselves wrestling with the same obstacles and patterns that initially led them to find a therapist or coach. We learned during the pandemic that EMDR can be offered to many patients virtually. Virtual EMDR is an effective and powerful tool to add to your therapy healing journey, as an adjunct to your existing therapy or as a stand-alone solution. LEARN MORE ABOUT EMDR
Teletherapy
faqs about online therapy in nYC: how does remote therapy/video therapy work?
While the technology for telemedicine has been available for decades, the pandemic made virtual therapy a necessity. Never did we imagine that so many individuals would benefit from online virtual therapy, but they did. Like many NYC therapists, I’ve been conducting virtual sessions for some time now, so I’m quite comfortable working with technology. Teletherapy is not a good fit for every person seeking counseling, and many simply prefer to conduct psychotherapy sessions in-person.
How does Online therapy work?
This New York City holistic psychotherapy and wellness practice understands that busy New Yorkers can’t always take time out of their day or week to commute to NYC therapy suites. Virtual therapy, as well as telephone therapy, is a modern option that has become the preferred way to conduct therapy and counseling for many, especially those who work or travel, couples with young children and different schedules, young adults, college students and expats. Online sessions make therapy easier for individuals struggling with social anxiety, agoraphobia, chronic illness, physical disabilities and those who reside in various parts of New York. After scheduling your online virtual session, I’ll send you a session link from my secure, HIPPA-compliant platform SimplePractice. You click on the link to my online waiting room and I admit you to my private virtual therapy office. It’s up to you to create an emotionally safe space in your home or office for our conversations. All you need is robust access to the internet. You can use your computer, IOS/Android phone, iPad, or any other tablet-enabled device. Most laptops have a built in videocam and mic, which makes it very easy.
What kind of therapy is offered virtually?
Online sessions are treated the same way as face-to-face sessions, using the same evidence-based therapy modalities, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), trauma therapy, psychodynamic psychotherapy, somatic psychotherapy, life coaching, wellness coaching and stress management. In fact, we’ve learned that remote EMDR can be just as effective for trauma resolution and other concerns as in-person EMDR. Of course, not everyone or every situation should be treated remotely, therefore, it’s important to reach out to potential therapists to determine if your situation is appropriate for virtual therapy. If you feel hesitant about discussing issues over video, you can even turn your webcam off, so that you can see your therapist but not be seen. Research now demonstrates that therapy sessions conduced by telehealth are just as effective as face to face therapy. Read the research.
Who can benefit from virtual therapy?
Just about anyone can enjoy private, confidential and convenient access to high-quality therapy. The decision to seek therapy with a highly-experienced psychotherapist can help you have healthier relationships, gain new perspectives, reach your goals and remain resilient during stressful and challenging times. Therapy can help you feel less alone with your problems, as well as feel supported as you work to improve your circumstances. Life in New York City offers a unique set of challenges. A fast-paced lifestyle and hectic schedules lead to high levels of stress and little time for rejuvenation and restoration of the nervous system. If you are experiencing feelings of anxiety and depression, loneliness, loss or are struggling with substance use or unresolved trauma PTSD, you are not alone. Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness Manhattan offers highly-effective, evidence-based counseling and therapy practices, as well as an integrative psychotherapy philosophy that incorporates a range of helpful, healing strategies, individualized to meet your unique needs. Because I am a licensed psychotherapist in New York, I can see you whether you live in the NYC metro area or anywhere in the state. You have many modern options to help you get the therapy you need, including BetterHelp, TalkSpace, and of course, all the licensed psychotherapists and psychologists on Psychology Today who continue to offer high-quality therapy in the US and worldwide.
Using you health insurance benefits to assist with the cost of therapy
Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness Manhattan is In-Network with BCBS & Aetna, and Out-of-Network with most health insurances. I have also been reimbursed by Aetna, Cigna, BCBS, Emblem, Oxford, United and many more for out-of-network mental health services. Most of my clients are compensated for about 50-100% of my fees. Your insurance will refund a large portion of each session, as long as you have met your Out-of-Network deductible. If you have an Out-of-Network plan and have met your Out-of-Network deductible, your health plan will mail the partial refund in the form of a check to your home within a few weeks after each appointment.
How can an Integrative Psychotherapy & Wellness Practice enhance your life?
Gain support through a personal crisis, transition, loss, trauma or challenging situation that causes personal or relational distress
Heal codependency and feel empowered, autonomous, safe and secure in your life as self-esteem naturally increases
Find relief for sadness, depression and chronic depression with interpersonal psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy and EMDR
Uncover unconscious conflicts and blocking beliefs that may be sabotaging your success and happiness
Address dissociation, body image, eating disorders, compulsions, addictions, substance use or abuse and obsessions
Learn to identify important thoughts, feelings, emotions, motivations and unconscious internal conflicts with insight-oriented therapy
Develop enhanced self-awareness as well as empathy and compassion for self and others with relational therapy
Break through blocks in intimacy, detach from unhealthy relationships and break patterns of repetition in significant relationships
Learn to identify triggers that lead to anger, confusion and relationship dysfunction in couple and relationship counseling
Develop effective, assertive communication skills to benefit personal and professional relationships
Learn more adaptive coping skills, self-care rituals, self-acceptance and mindfulness to create a healthy work-life balance
Uncover patterns of crippling perfectionism that interfere with achievement, success and personal happiness using EMDR
Process and heal painful feelings of loneliness, disappointment, sadness, loss, grief, guilt, shame, anger, envy and fear
Resolve trauma and abuse symptoms, develop healthier boundaries and heal early attachment wounds with EMDR Therapy
Recommendations for protocols using precursor amino acids, fatty acids, herbal medicine, supplements for mood, anxiety, ADHD, addictions, cravings, brain fog, PTSD
Diagnose & identify reproductive hormone-related (peri-menopause, menopause) anxiety, depression, insomnia, brain fog, low energy, pain, migraines, IBS, fibromyalgia
Learn self-care, meditation, breathing techniques, energy medicine & somatic therapy practices to regulate the nervous system
Obtain consultations for referrals to psychopharmacologists, psychiatrists, psychologists and other allied professionals